Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
