Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
ttyl tear gas
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
