so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize