I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Text me some of your sweat
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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