We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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