so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
He told me they were just razor bumps!
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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