You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
