we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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