i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You've changed since you got that strap on
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
