So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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