i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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