just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
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