im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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