Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
