I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
so let's talk penis.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
