doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
