ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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