i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
