I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
