Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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