Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
