Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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