Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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