how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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