I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
