I'm gonna have a badass scar
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
