Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
