i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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