I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
