This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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