So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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