We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
What drink are we having for lunch?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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