This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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