I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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