I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
