Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
