he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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