Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
