I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
