Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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