12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize