I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
