I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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