Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
