I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
