Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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