Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
