Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
