I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
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I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
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the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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