I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
