Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize