Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
