We named our party play list daddy issues
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
