The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
