woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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