you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize