Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
