yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
