I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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