You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
