I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
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I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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