Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
