I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
she looked like the before picture.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
