Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
