In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Actions speak louder than pants.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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