i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
