hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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