We need to rekindle our bromance
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
