So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Man, jail baloney is awful.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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