get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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