Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
