she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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