You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
3 2 1 whiskey
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
