His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
