Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.