Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
