Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(530): View more from California

When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.

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(289): View more from Ontario

he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...

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17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Read it at the TFLN blog
(662): View more from Mississippi

This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.

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(828): View more from North Carolina

is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.

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(734): View more from Michigan

The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?

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(775): View more from Nevada

Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary

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