Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!