also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
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His apartment number was 69. I had to.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
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The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.