Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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