Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.