So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man