Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I told you penises don't tan
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We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
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If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.