Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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