I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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