I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
