I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
