Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Do you remember whose house we're in?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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